Smilin' Sunshine

What's the worst show on TV?

2010-08-26T21:58:00.001-07:00

overly dramatic shows that only tries to get good ratings by acting stupid.
part of me wanted to say jersey shore, but well, i like some of my friends ;)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Who's the smartest person you know?

2010-08-17T02:03:00.001-07:00

not me.

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

If you won a $1,000 shopping spree for any store, which store would you pick?

2010-08-17T02:02:00.001-07:00

ohhhh. thats rough... well a thrift store would be nice, old navy, target, oh crap idunno

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

How many countries have you traveled to?

2010-08-17T02:01:00.003-07:00

only mexico sadly :( and it hasn't been enough!

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

What was the worst job you've ever had?

2010-08-17T02:01:00.001-07:00

something gross or Cinemark. the only perk with Cinemark was the movies. or lets just say anything where you serve people who sit on their butts watching something. concessions or cinema.

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Would you rather be really hot or really cold?

2010-08-17T02:00:00.003-07:00

cold. thats why i love me some blankies :)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Would you rather vacation at the beach or in the mountains?

2010-08-17T02:00:00.001-07:00

how bout cali? the west coast gots the "mountains" and the beach :) cali/ baja beach or Glacier national :)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Would you rather have the ability to fly, or the ability to breathe underwater?

2010-08-17T01:59:00.001-07:00

fly. er durrrr. i'd go everywhere all the freakin time :)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

If you could ask George W. Bush one question what would it be?

2010-08-17T01:58:00.001-07:00

where do you stand when it comes to Jesus? and do you stand at all? do you kneel, or hide when others are around?
i would actually love to ask many people this question.

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

How many languages do you speak?

2010-07-14T17:54:00.001-07:00

one fluently, (english obviously), enough to get by in spanish, and a few words in russian. weird huh?

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

What was the weirdest gift you ever received?

2010-07-14T17:31:00.003-07:00

Mama Roni's :D

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Do you believe there's intelligent life on other planets?

2010-07-14T17:31:00.001-07:00

i believe in the possibility because i believe in a God who can do the impossible ;)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Who's the coolest person you know?

2010-07-14T17:30:00.001-07:00

who isn't cool? ;)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

How would you describe your personality?

2010-07-14T17:29:00.003-07:00

INFJ. (there are less than 1% of these temperament types.)
Me, Unique.

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Cats or Dogs?

2010-07-14T17:29:00.001-07:00

My Puppy :) even though he humped me last night and drives me nutso.

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

If you could attend any concert, what would it be?

2010-07-14T17:28:00.001-07:00

Switchfoot. probably at Bro-Am.

or any concert that has TWLOHA artists there

or Anberlin, Tenth Avenue North again, The Classic Crime again, and Owl City, and Jack's Mannequin

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

Star Trek or Star Wars?

2010-07-14T17:26:00.003-07:00

well the ST movie was freakin awesome. but i know Star Wars better.

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

If you could have the starring role in one movie what would it be?

2010-07-14T17:26:00.001-07:00

hmm... not sureee.... well sandra bullock is one of my favorite actresses (i am my father's daughter ;)), but any romantic comedy works for me ;)

Even if your faith is broken, and your heart is broken, say what you need to say

2010-06-28T11:38:00.000-07:00

hey you all! i know i have been extremely absent, no i am not dead. i just wanted to let you all know that i haven't crawled under a rock, i am in fact on TUMBLR now. blogspot is great but community and interaction is very important and tumblr has that. i would love to have you all check my tumbleblog on there since i do still write and post more about things that i love and how i feel, etc. so far i cannot find a way to integrate and bring my posts from tumblr over to blogspot since apparently people don't need that. :P but i have you wonderful people who actually do read my stuff here and i don't want to stop posting here :) i would love to hear from you all on there and i will continue to try to find a way to import my tumblr posts to my blogger :)
how have you all been?! :) if anyone is more tech savvy about importing posts between blog sites, please let me know :)

formspring.me

2010-06-02T21:45:00.001-07:00

Even if your faith is broken, say what you need to say http://formspring.me/Brokentoshine

formspring.me

2010-06-02T21:43:00.001-07:00

Even if your faith is broken, say what you need to say http://formspring.me/Brokentoshine

formspring.me

2010-06-02T17:42:00.001-07:00

Even if your faith is broken, do it with a heart wide open... say what you need to say http://formspring.me/Brokentoshine

God is not a Quad

2010-02-10T21:42:00.001-08:00

God Doesn?t need you. He doesn?t need me.

But He Wants us.

WE aren?t God?s hands, feet and mouths.

God isn?t a Quadriplegic.

He made the world without us didn?t he?

We hold the tools he uses.

We aren?t responsible, we just need to be Available.

- Pastor Steve

what i have been doing lately :)

2010-01-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

If Home is Where the Heart is, then I'm also looking for my Heart.

2009-10-17T13:24:00.000-07:00

If home is where the heart is, then I'm also looking for my Heart.

So I'm sick. Well I am sick, but I'm getting better.

I'm talking about something else.

I'm homesick.

I know, I am at "home" in CO but

my heart longs for somewhere else.

At moments, in CA or here.

but recently, I long to be elsewhere.

I long to go beyond these coasts.

I have never been past the coasts from the east and west

and touched canada and down to Puerto Penasco, Mexico.

I have International Fever.

I want to leave this continent so Freakin bad.

I want to go to Mexico

I want to go to Africa

Europe

Asia.

But funds are running low hahah :)

(college student, ya know?)

So until then,

I will make my own apple soda

and read about Africa from

Say You are One of Them

and talk to my beloved Rwandans.

one day though,

I will cure this Fever.

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine,

<3>

Tattooed Dream

2009-10-15T00:30:00.001-07:00

The other night, I dreamed one of my close friends (not sure who it was) tattooed me or had me tattooed without my consent or my being aware of it. I was extremely bummed because it was of a rose and i like daisies. I thought that since i had a rose, i couldn't get a daisy, which made it all the more upsetting. Then i realized that i didn't feel it. Suddenly, i wasn't too upset about it. One of my biggest reasons for not getting a tattoo is because it HURTS! i mean its needles, man! (say it like a hippy... actually thats really ironic... oh never mind) So now i'm tempted to get one... can you say CONFUSED?!? what do you think?

<3 Amy

ps. i know this is COMPLETELY random. for some reason i had to get it out.

Dreams, can you be normal please?!?! none of this friend going behind your back and getting you tattooed or dying your hair crap anymore. ew.

What if we were the Body?

2009-09-16T00:32:00.000-07:00

Something that I have found myself doing and desiring to do lately is finding Christ and knowing who He is. Not like "where's Waldo?" or "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?" But finding who the Christ- like are. Now I know many Christians but they aren't being Christ. It kind of reminds me of that song by Casting Crowns. "If we are the Body, why aren't his feet going, why is his love not showing…?" it seems to me like Christians have left the body to form separate little ones. I mean you have these little denominations and types of Christians who get all into the details but never into the BIG PICTURE that is God and his glory and the Gospel. Its like some competition. We aren't loving, we are begging the community to come to us when we have been called to "go into all the world". I don't get it. But people hear the name "Jesus" or "Christ" and they think of these little bodies running around saying that that is who they are when in fact, they are nothing like him. The other day, I was talking to a church planter on a college campus. As a college student, I am wanting to help plant it and be effective and do church RIGHT. to me, church has become just as the church was in Jesus' day and age. It was all about the rules and technicalities and logistics and not about GOD. We've lost him somewhere. He's whispering from the back row, with tears running down his face, asking us to return to HIM. Today, Church does not equal Christ. Where did we go wrong?

But anyways, back to my talk with this college church planter. We were talking about the different church organizations on the campus. I proposed that we joined with them all in creating this church. He pointed out to me that some of the organizations were afraid to get lost in the shuffle and the crowd. Why should it be about a little body getting lost in the forming of the big body? Now we aren't trying to make a bigger body but create Christ.

I went back to public school while being in the private Christian system for 7 years. Its almost culture shock. Nearly every day, my faith is mentioned and often shot down. But its not necessarily Christ or Jesus but what we have made "Christ" and "Jesus" to be. We've tried to piece the body of Christ back together with these little bodies and made it look nothing like Christ. We've simply made a caricature of Christ when people need to see the real deal.

Here's another thing. I wonder how the Holy Spirit is doing right now. Its like we've all gotten together and voted him off the island or something saying, "oh its ok, people want to see what's going on. We can take it from here." Now the Holy Spirit still works and moves and has remained but its like He's sitting next to God on the back row longing for us to call on him to get Christ moving again.

I was watching a podcast the other day and the pastor was talking about the Love of Christ and how he is incomprehensible yet loves us so much. He showed a picture from the Passion of the Christ when Jesus was hanging there. And I was so moved. Not by what the pastor said but just the love that my Savior showed me. I had an "awe" moment. Do you ever get those? Where you can't say anything because words can't describe it? God has given me a lot of those moments in the past year or so. I wasn’t drawn to the Pastor, I was drawn to my SAVIOR. I was drawn to CHRIST.

What would happen if we made CHRIST the center again? What would happen if we WERE His body, not some caricature of him? What if we actually let God and the Holy Spirit actually be the center of our leadership and the way we do things?

The Mystery of Me

2009-09-15T00:23:00.000-07:00

The other day, my dad told me that I was a mystery to him and my mom. In a way, I understood what he was saying, because, to myself, I am a mystery. But I think I always thought I was this open book, you know? Like everyone could see what I tried to hide or that everything that was bothering was written all over my face but somehow, people were too oblivious to notice. Honestly, I don't know what to make of this realization. This fact that I am a mystery. I have friends who think they "know me" and mindfully I shake my head and think of how little they truly do know me. Why is this? Well I don't know for sure. Its kind of like violence, (I'm taking a culture and violence class, bear with my weird analogies). There are biological, social and learned aspects that contribute to the cause of violence as a whole. Same it is with me. Why don't people know me? Why don't I LET people know me? Is it because I find it hard to trust people? Possibly. Am I scared of people's opinions of me? Possibly. Will I or anyone else really know me? Possibly. Does my mask work that well, that people don't really know me? Possibly. If you ask me, I say that all of these play roles in the mystery of me. Along the way, some of my friends have given me nicknames like "Continuous Delight" and "Sunshine". I have often been thrown off guard by these names. I know sides of me most people don't, and I will be the first to admit that. And I've let them only see those sides. I've stated before that there must be a problem when our inner feelings come out, betraying us in sorts. In ways, I sort of still believe this. But at the same time, I wish my feelings betrayed me more. It would mean my mask wasn't working and that I could TRULY be myself. Not this made up presented person that I want people to know and like. I want to be ME, not some masked person pretending to "me". I want to live a life of integrity and honesty and love. That’s all I know. I don't know how I will get from who I am now, to who I want to be. I don't have all the answers. I feel like I'm fooling so many people. As I have said before, I am my own pet peeve. I want to be true. And maybe in time, I may find answers, I hope and pray to God that I do. Until then, please pray and hope with me that we become people of integrity and love.

Amy <3

Random Ramblings

2009-08-31T15:35:00.000-07:00

wow! its been a while since I posted anything

and that last one was quite the post!

if you didn't read it, please do.

i've been learning about myself a lot.

I think... I don't know haha.

Some good but some bad too.

I am learning that running

from my fears don't make them go away

but they make them worse,

They control you.

When you face them,

you don't let them control your life.

That's what i am trying to do now.

another thing i've realized.

Don't start talking to me about

my opinion of the present church.

call it a Pandora's box.

if you want to be daring,

lets skype, or have coffee or something.

Also, I've read Blue like Jazz.

I highly recommend it! love it!

I have started classes

so hopefully they will be awesome :)

I am already learning alot! :)

thanks for reading my ramblings!

Amy <3

More to come!

Behind this Smile.

2009-07-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

Can I be honest with you? To be honest, I don't care how you respond, I mean I care how you respond but I'm going to tell you anyways :) You know, I find it strangely ironic. I talk all the time about being honest. About being real. About unmasking and being true. But wah la! I am guilty of hypocrisy.

You know what bothers me?

When people who pretend to be ok and hunky dory.

When people take so much but give so little.

When people judge/smite people that they don't even know. Or only know from an biased standpoint.

When people just stop talking to you.

When people go to Disneyland with dirty hands and touch railing that I touch. ACH!

(ok that last one, don't know where that came from… OCD… definitely…)

I have been my own pet peeves at times. It's worse when I am my own pet peeve; I find myself peeved that I'm my peeve. ;)

All Joking aside, for a moment at least, I need to be seriously honest.

About two weeks ago, I sat in my doctor's office. Luckily my mom was there to kind of say what I was too sheepish to say. Somehow the conversation got onto the topic of depression. If you had asked me a year before, I'd have been completely confident in my denying any chance of my having depression. But as I sat there, I thought past the last few months, the last year even. There would be no denying this time.

No I wasn't about to commit suicide, an experience with a friend who had considered it during the past year confirmed that never being an option for me. I'd been on the opposite side, I knew how much it could hurt those in my life. It just goes to show that experiencing something horrible like that can help you make the right decisions.

But I was depressed. It was painstakingly obvious but I could see it. I hid it well. Partially because I was still in denial of my having it in the beginning. It started while I was at school. Off-set by homesickness or just a wave of discontent or rejection or loneliness. Sometimes it wasn't as bad as others. It wasn't a day-long kind of thing. It was something I just dealt with; mainly at night, by myself, maybe with a friend nearby if any. It wasn't like I had really any reason to be depressed. I mean, sure, there were things that could get me down, but not like this.

I was better when I was around people. I didn't always have to fake it. Things seemed to get better when I was around friends and people I cared about. Got my mind off of it. God used them as encouragement and joy.

There were some nights that were painstakingly harder. They were few but hard. I grew from them, trying to find some beauty out of the horrible experiences. Good thing, God teaches in the broad daylight and even more in the deep darkness.

I eventually decided to go to counseling, just to sort some things out that I had come to realize had affected me far more than they should have. I was there for a month and it seemed to help.

Soon my time at CBU came to a close. I got home and was sad for a while, knowing that my chances of returning to CBU, where I had received such growth and community and God focused time, were very slim. I didn't want to register for classes at the community college. After a while though, I finally did, and got a job. I was pretty good for a while.

But then I was fired the day before vacation. I knew I couldn't get a job at this rate. The rejection I guess you could say, threw me for a loop. I didn't want to go looking for a job. Maybe I did but I lacked the motivation. I was sleeping all the time, doing nothing with my day. I still do that.( I think I'm just lazy) But I was snapping at my family. Over the stupidest stuff. I was like a bomb or something. Like an on/off switch. Fine one minute, moody the next. I hated it. I began to feel out of my skin and mind. Like I didn't know myself anymore. I mean, people confuse me; but this was ridiculous. My mind was always going it seemed, like there was so much to go after but no time to pursue it. (maybe that’s why they say a woman's mind is like spaghetti. We just don't have the time to stay on the same noodle.) I was distant and disconnected; keeping to myself.

So when the doctor asked me about depression, I 'fessed up. My mom asked me later how I felt about it. When I answered my doctor, I wasn't looking for more medication, or really giving myself time to react emotionally; I simply wanted to do what I could to make sure I was ok and that I wouldn't hurt my family in the long or short run. I mean, I don't like the idea of being on "happy pills", as my sister calls them, but if it makes things a little bit better. My thinking in this case, "The end justifies the means".

There is one thing I must address though. I have found the most peace, the most comfort in Christ. When I actually come before him. (see my last entry) My new medication isn't a cure-all. In fact, I've had one of my worst nights after beginning to take it. I pulled out my bible and began to read. God gives me doses of the best cures to emotional and inner pain.

I've been emotionally hurt at the cost of others' selfishness and humor and pride and pain. I've been emotionally hurt by being judged and being told that that is how I must judge myself as well. Learning to overcome these hurts are all in the process of healing. But first I had to admit they were there. Now I am slowly moving on.

Some of you may be bothered that I was faking it. How could I, of all people, the person who, just 6 months ago told everyone to be honest, fake it? Well, to be honest, its because I don't know who really cares. Half the time, if I told the truth, people wouldn't care and the other half would think I was emo or something. (did you know that "emo" stands for "emotional"?) and half of the emo half would probably actually care. These are rough estimates here but I want to be honest when it counts. Plus sometimes, it allows me to put that reason why I'm not doing good, and see why I AM doing good.

It still bothers me that people pretend. A lot actually. But I've seen it in a new light. I see myself in a way that most people don't, I've come to realize. I don't always see the best in me. But I try to put the best me forward. I allow others to see it and they in return, can show me the best in me when all I see is the worst. Though pretending still bothers me, I just see it in a different way sometimes.

Well, this was probably the one main thing I wanted to be honest about. I am supposed to be sleeping right now. I couldn't sleep an hour ago so I came out to write this. Yes, I can't believe it took me an hour to write this. I am leaving in 6 hours to go back home. I am now tired enough to get some sleep. Oh Darn you late night Epiphanies that keep me from sleep! Good night! Thanks for reading and letting me be honest!

Amy <3

Promises to Penetrate the Pain

2009-07-22T00:51:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry friends.

i haven't been much of a blogger lately.

Can't really say I've been busy though.

I don't really know why.

I think apathy,

which is something i despise,

has gotten ahold of me.

So in the past couple of weeks,

ive been dealt several thorns.

thorns by mental and medical means,

thorns by meaningful friendships,

and thorns by just me.

they rip at me and tear me apart

at times where i just can't seem to bear it.

my family is worried about me,

i'm worried about me,

and i'm worried about the things

that are tearing at me.

and each night,

if i'm not being too torn,

i read my bible or devotional.

i know i should read it

when i'm too torn because i am too torn

but i don't.

i feel emotionally worn down at that point.

even though i haven't been as faithful as i should be,

God uses those times to be beautiful moments.

each moment is meaningful

and helpful in my healing and hurt.

these are the promises by God that I have clung to:

1. Jer. 1:5- Before you were born I set you apart.

2. Jer. 29:11- I know the plans I have for you...

Plans to prosper you and not harm you,

plans to give you a hope and a future.

3. Jer. 29:13- You will seek me and you will find me,

when you seek me with all of your heart.

4. Jer. 29:14- I will be found by you.

5. Jer. 30:11a- I am with you and I will save you.

6. Jer. 31:3-4- I have loved you with an everlasting love...

I will build you up again.

7. Jer. 31:13- I will turn their mourning into gladness,

I will give them comfort and joy

instead of sorrow.

8. Jer. 31:20- My heart yearns for [her],

I have great compassion for [her].

9. Each day is another chance.

10. When it comes to idols vs. God,

Idols are immovable.

But people continue to go to God

because HE moves and

has the might to change our circumstances

and love us back.

OUR GOD MOVES.

11. Josh. 1:3- I will give you every place where you set your foot, I promise.

12. 2 Cor. 12:9- My Grace is sufficient for you.

that last one got me tonight.

God's grace is greater than our need.

its like a granary to feed a hungry mouse.

or a river to quench the thirst of a fish.

or the air in the atmosphere being enough to give us breath.

His grace is greater than even my deepest of needs,

emotional, mental, spiritual, physical.

keep me in your prayers.

thanks for reading :)

Amy <3

for more writing and art,

check out

www.smilinsunshine.deviantart.com

ps. is it slightly pathetic to be excited for my classes this next semester?

even though i will be with no one i know;

in a public atmosphere again,

after 7 years

and with a crazy schedule with no room to work?

answer: YES

I'm going Back to the Basics of a Christ-driven life

2009-07-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

i am so sorry its taken me forever to write something lately! :)

alot has happened in this past month!

i have gained and lost a job,

saw more movies in the past month

than i have in the past year.

i am currently on vacation

in the good ol' hot and humid OK

after being in Kansas, Missouri and Arkansas

in the past 5 days.

its gotten to 100 degrees with humidity... HOT.

ive looked at 4 colleges in the five days.

i have gotten my acceptance letter

from my local community college,

and i still don't know what i want

to do with my life,

or what God wants to do with my life.

because of this, I want to go back to the basics.

in the past few weeks,

i have come to this conclusion:

Hope- Doubt = Faith.

Ive got my share of doubts,

even more than my share possibly haha

but i know that when my doubts

are present, i cannot be a person of Faith.

"Oh You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

so i'm going back to the basics,

not to live by hope but by FAITH.

i want to have real faith, real love and a true identity

in Christ and to come to try to comprehend the God I claim to live for.

so i'm going back to the basics of my life in christ.

Please pray for the fire to blaze again.

My mom was asking what i was doing

and i told her i was doing this, which i am ;)

she told me to tell you all hello for me ;)

that being said, i will talk to you soon :)

Amy <3

As Red as a...

2009-06-21T00:27:00.000-07:00

funny... at this moment,

I feel quite where I was the last time I posted an entry:

Amazed,

Grateful,

Blessed,

Thankful

by/to/of God

and what He does in people's lives :)

I don't think words could express the joy of seeing and witnessing that :)

Ps. 118:23 "the Lord has done this, it is marvelous in our eyes."

of course, when i wrote that last entry,

i wasn't dealing with a bad case of burn.

sun burn. youch.

hopefully I will be functioning better tomorrow. :)

I am as red as:

a cherry tomato

Rudolph's nose

the LA backed up traffic- a sea of red

the Angel's Stadium when it's full of fans.

(those last two are just for my CA people :))

but today gave me a good day to do some reading :)

I finished New Moon,

I believe my favorite,

(for the second time) today :)

Started on Eclipse today :)

I feel quite the Twihard right now.

though, I'm am always feeling that

my enthusiasm is ruined by Twilight extreme fans.

i am not extreme as extreme :)

well i better head to bed

sleep well all

and keep showing the world "you" :)

thanks for reading :)

<3>

To Write Love On Her Arms

2009-06-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

this story is one of the most favorite and life-changing things i have come across in my life.

It is also the story that began TWOLHA or To Write Love on Her Arms, from which it got it's name.

You must read it.

It may seem long but it is amazing.

Just read :) Take my word for it :)

To Write Love On Her Arms

by Jamie Tworkowski
Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."
I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.
Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.
She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "F*** UP" large across her left forearm.
The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.
She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think its God reminding her.
I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes.
more
Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom; tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

www.twolha.com

thanks for reading :)

Power of Love and Hope and Purpose

2009-06-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness! its been so long hasn't it?!

its been 3 weeks since I started my job at the theatre.

its been 1 and a half months since I left CA. I miss it a lot...

its also been 6 months since going through that rough stuff with my friend.

It was rough but to be honest,

as painful as it was,

it was one of the best things that has happened in my life.

From that experience,

my life has changed for the better,

seemingly giving me some sense of purpose.

I've been remembering...

remembering that hope is greater than pain

and love is greater than death

and THAT is when healing and life begins.

That is what I now fight for;

to prove that love and hope are greater than the fears and hurt.

And to prove what TWLOHA stands for:

"Rescue is possible",

"we were made to love and be loved",

"your story is important and you're a part of a bigger story",

"that you aren't alone",

"that hope and help is just as real as pain",

"that God is still in the business of redemption",

"that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change".

that's what I want to prove with my life.

and SO much more.

"the world is too big to never ask why

the answers don’t fall straight out of the sky

i’m fighting to live and feel alive

but i can’t feel a thing without you by my side

send me out a lifeline"

- Mat Kearney, Lifeline

thanks for reading :)
<3>

Pic Post #1

2009-05-28T23:51:00.000-07:00

Long time,

no post.

trust me,

i will post a REAL post

SOOOONN!!

at least,

that's my intention ;) for this post,

i'll just post some pictures ive done recently :)

first off, i miss these people

AAAAA TONNNN!!!

And these people,

i miss these sweet ladies and
I miss her and so many others
but God makes things beautiful

my sister is definitely no exception

dang,

I love Picnik :)

thanks :)

Amy <3

We are the Problem because We aren't the Solution...

2009-05-12T09:56:00.000-07:00

Money spent on Swine Flu: $1.5 billion.

Money spent on Darfur Genocide: $0.

Problem: Me.

Solution: Me.

One of my favorite people ever is Jon Foreman. Not only can he bust out some great music that holds great meaning but he also is down to earth and is changing the world.

He has been fasting to raise awareness for the Darfur Genocide that has been going on and yet it still goes on with no effort from us; no effort from our President who said we can't ignore it and has raised awareness for Darfur during his run for the Presidency. Instead, 1.5 billion dollars has gone to the flu and zero dollars has gone to Darfur....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjSy_-yet9w

Here's something that Jon said in his blog yesterday.

Darfur Fast blog #2, May 11, There's Something Broken with the System
"As a musician, I have a natural aversion to politicians. In fact, I believe in democracy simply because I distrust all politicians equally.

And yet, I have a tremendous amount of faith and belief in humanity. When it comes to folks outside of the power schemes I might even trust people too much. I am ruthlessly idealistic, hopelessly optimistic. I believe the best in people. That's why I have to do something, because I feel that if people knew the truth, they would feel the same as I do. They would feel that something has to be done. They would care and things would change.

President Barack Obama last week requested a $1.5 billion emergency appropriation to deal with a flu outbreak that has killed 3 people in the US. I believe this action was in response to a nation experiencing "what could potentially be the biggest national emergency since Y2K" (genius comparison courtesy of Glenn Phillips.)

An estimated 300,000 folks have already died in Darfur and we do nothing... $0.00. And three people die of the flu and we spend $1.5 billion to figure things out. $1,500,000,000.00

I understand the need for precautionary measures but this feels like reactionary spending when I am reminded of the 2,500,000 people whose lives hang in the balance in displacement camps? What can be done for them? don't tell me nothing.

Obama: "We can't ignore the genocide in Darfur... We have to do everything in our power to make it stop. We have to act. Now."

Nothing? Years and years go by... and still... nothing...

Our national inaction sends the simple message that a whole crowd of Sudanese souls are not worth as much as an American with the flu. "Surely this is not true!" we protest. And yet our actions speak louder than our words.

There's something broken with the system.

We the people of the United States of America... We are the system. We are the media. We are the government. We are the twittering public. We the people of the United States of America... we own this place. We decide who is president. We pick the next American idol. Obama our leader, is in many ways a follower of his people. In a state where the vote of the populous determines the next face of the government, a politician must listen to his/her constituents to remain in power. I believe nothing was done for Darfur because Obama doesn't think the public cares about Darfur.

Perhaps we can blame the media- perhaps the public doesn't care because they are uninformed, or at least under-informed? Yes, but in many ways "the news" is simply a vendor trying to sell a product, we tell them (with our viewing, purchasing power) what product sells. Britney, Brangelina, or Bosnia. we choose the news.

And now for the staggering fact: you and I are the problem and the solution."

We are the problem and we are the solution. Only we can stop this with the help of Christ at our side. We have been the problem because we haven't been the Solution. Lets be the solution.

Thanks for reading...

More to come :)

Amy <3

Second Time, Deep Penetration...

2009-05-05T20:46:00.000-07:00

I found this while I was cleaning out my room...

God has a way of making the things that didn't penetrate me when I first received them penetrate me the second time...

He's awesome like that :)

I don't know where this came from.

It's just a tiny slip of paper, a copy of a book.

Yet its words are needed.

"God has created me to do him some definite service; he has committed some work to me which he has not committed to another. I have my mission- I never may know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. Somehow I am necessary for his purposes, as necessary in my place as an Archangel in his- if, indeed, I fail, he can raise another, as he could make the stones children of Abraham. Yet I have a part in this great work; I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good, I shall do his work; I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it, if I do but keep his commandments and serve him in my calling.

"Therefore I will trust him. Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve him. My sickness, or perplexity, or sorrow may be necessary causes of some great end, which is quite beyond us. He does nothing in vain; he may prolong my life, he may shorten it; he knows what he is about, he may take away my friends, he may throw me among strangers, he may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide the future from me- still he knows what he is about.

- Venerable John Henry Newman"

I'm Goin' Home... :)

2009-05-01T23:33:00.000-07:00

So after that last post, I figured I should at least satisfy the happy part of me. What can I say, I am quite torn these days. I guess that's just how it is when you don't know where to call home anymore.

I am super excited to see my friends and family back home :)

I seriously cannot believe that it has been almost 4 MONTHS since I last saw them! By the Grace of God, I enjoyed this semester so much that it went by so fast!

I can't wait for...

hanging out with my sister,

Mom's cooking,

My brother's adorable-ness,

Talking with my Dad,

DRIVING,

Spending time with friends,

Getting involved in my church,

Enjoy home more,

have that Marshmallow-roasting, Dancing party at the mall,

Beading Sessions,

Coffee with friends,

Walks,

Hopefully go to Mexico,

Sitting on my porch and doing art,

Learning Guitar better,

Working a job that has a deeper purpose,

Write,

and Falling in love with my Savior more

and overcoming and coming to terms with some things in my life.

Oh, and of course, being able to be me :)

Oh yes, I cannot wait :)

i will be home tomorrow... strange... (by tomorrow, I mean Sunday...)

*deep Breath*...

Here we Go! :)

Amy <3

Goodbyes and See-You-Laters... I hate that.

2009-05-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

Well, Here I am...

The last post I will make from this room.

I leave CBU by 2pm tomorrow...

When I return, if I do, is unknown.

I've said "Goodbye".

I hate "goodbyes".

I've said "See You Later" in hopes that maybe, just maybe it will be true.

I hate "see you laters".

I don't know what to say anymore to those that I leave and are left by.

It hasn't hit yet.

But when it does, it will be painful.

Today I met someone and turned around and said Goodbye.

I keep meeting people; still.

I met a dear friend just a couple of weeks ago.

I said goodbye to her too.

I hate meeting people knowing that you have to say goodbye.

I hate it when people that are dear to me are shocked that I may not be coming back.

Even as I said goodbye to some people,

they didn't know up until then that I wasn't going to be able (at this point) to return.

I hate that.

I hate it when they seem to take it hard after I have somehow come to terms with it in some way.

I hate not knowing.

I told a friend of mine:

"I wish I could just take a peek at his plans"

It would make things easier; I think.

But here I type.

With most of my things packed away.

I can't wait to see my family and friends again.

But this year has changed my life.

I really hope that I will get to see these people and experience this again...

Goodbyes and See You Laters... I hate that.

Thanks for reading...

Amy <3

"Here"

2009-04-29T03:32:00.000-07:00

Well I made it. I survived. I finished my first year of college.

And for some reason, I am still up at 3:30 am... I dunno...

This past year has been a blur.

By far the best year of my life.

Its been full of pain but that pain has made it something beautiful.

The people in my life have been nothing short of blessings.

And here I am, recollecting.

I never would have thought I would be here.

"Here" meaning many things right now; but "here" I am.

It is only by the inexplicable God that I serve and am falling in Love with

that I have reached this far.

His Strength, His Love, His Purpose, His Hope.

Thanks for your support.

I don't know what will happen in the year to come.

kind of makes me glad, I think.

This past year, I had plans.

Now its the things that I DIDN'T plan that will be with me forever.

I'm going to let God take this one,

with prayerful hope that His plan is to prosper me and glorify His name.

More to come, I'm sure :)

But surely not these 3 am rendezvous's ;)

Good night, Good morning.

You have awakened to beauty, don't waste it.

Beauty within; beauty around, make it count.

I'm going to go to bed...

Thanks for reading!

Amy :)

Writing epiphanies :)

2009-04-20T01:11:00.001-07:00

So this is all i have to show for my day as far as writing goes... my papers have been failures. I wish my personal writing epiphanies would benefit those... oh well, thats what all-nighters are for :)

Here's a hint at what my epiphany was like :) maybe i will post it later. we will see :) im not done with it yet :)

I wordled...

2009-04-19T03:11:00.000-07:00

my blog in a picture ;)

www.wordle.net/wrdl/761179/Smiling_Sunshine

checkit. ;)

Walking Palm Drive

2009-04-17T14:03:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wanted something and didn't realize that you were handed it till later, when you really didn't know if you wanted it anymore? You can say I'm there. Last semester I so wanted to get out of here, here as in CBU. I felt confined, like I couldn't do anything significant with my life, staying where I was. I longed for the day that I walked down the palm tree-lined drive (appropriately named Palm Drive) and going on with my life. I longed to something big; not something that I did from the confines of my extremely nice campus. I longed to go. But I felt bound; bound by the need for money and the need for education and bound by the demands of society.
Don't get me wrong. I really like my classes here at CBU. I absolutely love the people that God has allowed me to meet while I was here. But inside a war rages. Through my classes and studies, my eyes have been opened to the world beyond these shores. A broken world. But I have lived in my bubble; my bubble where I want to live comfortably but yet I ache for the broken world. I have lived in my "Christian" bubble for so long that I can't wait to get out. I have had days where I am so disappointed in Christians who claim to be "not of this world" yet live so similar to those in the world that there is hardly a difference except for the label "Christian." We are supposed to be hated, supposed to stand out in such a way that people can't help but ask what is it that we have that they don't. we are supposed to love. There have been times this semester where I don't see it. People care more about what they wear to attract someone and to look good without realizing that someone was beaten because they didn't make their shirt fast enough. We are numb. My blinders are off and it tears me up inside to see how numb my fellow Christians are. I don't put myself on a pedestal. If it seems that way, then somehow I have said this wrong. I have my numb moments. I fear that when I have the opportunity to go out, that I will be afraid of being uncomfortable and become numb. I don't want to stay numb because numb hasn't changed the world.
So I was thinking today. At this point, I will be unable to return to CBU in the fall due to money. I hate it. I love the people I have met and I finally decided on what I was going to study (my studies aren't offered at other schools either…). To this day, I am still forming friendships. I have 16 days left till I arrive back in Colorado. I wish I could come back. I love this community that has come with Christ followers. But I realized something today… this is my opportunity. I wanted to get away from my Christian bubble and here's my chance. My heart's desire for the past few months has been to change lives in a big way and I feel like I can't do it here. I don't know, maybe its just the way I am. I feel that if I'm going to do something, its going to be in a big way. Big impact to the extreme. Call me extreme or radical. Either I let God mess up my life that has been numb, or I stay numb. I can't be both. This is the door that has been opened to me. I don't know what is through that door but this is how I will take my walk down Palm Drive so to speak. I don’t want to leave my friends behind. I am going to miss them terribly and fear that it will fall through the cracks. But my plans have never worked. If God has set these desires in me and has provided a way for me to leave (In a shoving sort of way) then I can't turn back. If there is anything I have learned in the past year is that God works and he works better than me. This past year has been the toughest yet the best year of my life because of what God has done through the "ugly packages." My friend Cesar told me once, "God wraps the most beautiful things in the ugliest of packages." He's right. I would never ask God to send me ugly packages but those ugly packages have been the best things in my life. Same it is with this. I don't want this ugly package of leaving some of the most wonderful people in my life because of money. I would never ask for that. But I'm leaving and God is doing something amazing. Inside this package is something beautiful. It’s the opportunity (I hope) to do something big and the freedom to get out there. Maybe one day, I will return to CBU. I hope so. But God is going to do something big through this.
Some of you may be excited for me leaving (mainly my CO people ;)) and some of you may be sad that I am leaving (mainly my CBU/CA people ). If you are excited, thanks I guess :) haha But understand that I will miss this place. I'm sure I will fight MANY urges to just hop a plane and come and visit. :) For those of you who are saddened, I am sad as well but in me, there is a peace. God's ways are perfect and I know that he has a perfect reason for this. You have all blessed my life here and I thank God for you. I may come back, I kind of hope so but we will have to see. In fact, if God still wants me here next year, (it could happen) he will provide a way :)
I love you all and I thank you for reading, once again :)
Amy <3

I feel Weird...

2009-04-16T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days. You know, one of those days where you just feel completely weird?
Well first off, its Day Without Shoes day by TOMS shoes. I'm not wearing shoes today. Because I'm not wearing shoes, I can't eat. I know what you are thinking- "Barefoot... Eating... Foot... Mouth...HUH?!" According to California Health regulations, we can't go into the Cafeteria barefoot. Don't ask me why. Somehow i got to get breakfast without them noticing my feet were naked. But to me, my grumbling tummy is the small price I can pay. You see, people die from being barefoot. Yes, DIE. Disease is common and fatal. Many have to walk miles to get food or water. Children can't go to school because they don't have shoes. And if they were here on the CBU campus, they couldn't eat here either. If they can't eat here, i won't. I could easily put on flip-flops for a couple of minutes so I can get some food. But in my heart, I just can't. I can give up a few meals because I'm barefoot today. I'm not dying like they are. Their life is far more important to me than my empty stomach.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUSTOe-fiyI&feature=player_embedded
Another reason why I feel weird today? I found out that the clothes that I am wearing today, my whole outfit actually, was made in sweatshops. If you don't know what sweatshops are, find out. Sweatshops are overseas factories run by store companies (mainly clothing companies) that abuse their workers. I first heard about them when I read Irresistible Revolution. The author told of a story of a little boy who worked in such a factory. He wasn't working hard enough. His overseer hit him on his face and he began to bleed. To keep the blood from getting everywhere and to get him back to work, the overseer puts a lighter to the bleeding wound to make it close up. The boy now has a scar across his face- the price he paid for the shirt on my back. I paid probably 6 dollars or so for my shirt ( I get most of my clothes on clearance). It was probably originally about 15. That child got 13 cents in a DAY. a DAY, not for my shirt, a DAY. My shirt caused him pain. I feel like my clothes are splattered with proverbial blood. Why have we let clothing become more important than a life? More important than a child who barely gets by and is considered lucky to make my shirt? I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to keep my clothes. part of me wants to get rid of them, because I played a role in allowing people to be abused for my shirt.
http://www.geocities.com/whydoyoukeepdeletingme/ASSLLeague.html
And then there's another thing. (well there could be a lot more things but this is it.) Since when did our safety take priority? I was talking to a girl from back home about how we really wanted to go back to Mexico. She informed me that our church, who frequently goes down to Juarez twice a year, may not go anymore indefinitely because IT'S NOT SAFE. I don't remember anywhere that Jesus said "Go when it is safe for you to go, your freed life is worth more than their lives bound by the chains of Satan." You tell me where that verse is, and i will shut up. Can't tell me, can you? Sure, Christ can tell us when it is safe to go and if not, not to, but Safety shouldn't be the deciding factor. Jesus Christ, the one who DIED for us, said "GO all the nations." he didn't say only the safe ones or when its easy. he says GO, Go regardless. Christ didn't promise life to be easy. He promised us to give us life to the full but not a life full according to the worlds standard. He didn't promise safety but he promised to protect us and be with us always, as we don the full armor of God because it's war. No, it's not easy, it's not safe. The sooner we realize that and live accordingly, the more we can be used by God.

Thanks again for reading.

I hope these are actually making people think.

love you all!

Amy <3

My Once Crying Heart Now Sings...

2009-04-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

Today was a big day for me.

it was kind of one of the big ways I got to see God use the pain and turmoil that I faced four months ago... practically to the day. It will be four months ago tomorrow that one of the scariest nights of my life occurred when I feared for my friend's life. But here I am and they are alive. I serve a God that never ceases to amaze me. I have moments and hours and days that I just walk around in this awe-ful mood. Full of awe for what God has done in my life the past year because frankly, if I were to plan my life, it would put ME to sleep. God writes the plans of my life WAY better. I have no doubt especially now that "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it" and will fulfill his promise to bring you "life to the full." Trust your Maker. I know that's easier said than done but it will change your life (mess it up, whichever ;) ).

So about today :) I have been working on a research project in my English class this semester that is pretty much a reactive response to what happened those four months ago. The painful memories are a little bit easier to deal with today than they were when I first began writing this paper. Some moments I couldn't research or write anymore because it brought back such painful memories and put me in a state of a sort of depression. But here I am today. I presented my findings to my class today. it was on the degrees of self-mutilation ranging from tattooing and piercing to cutting. It wasn't a *happy* presentation; but it was needed. Four months ago, I wish that I had known these things. I want to create awareness and bring hope and love.

I didn't expect the outcome that I did. My teacher, who has been guiding me throughout this, responded well and so did my peers, which I was frankly surprised by. I was told it was great (and if you have experienced my speeches before, you know I'm not the next great speaker of America ;)) and that it made them think. I felt that the pain wasn't in vain, finally. That in a period of about 15 minutes, the pain found worth. I serve an amazing God. I still have to write the paper, but I think now that it has now things have found completion though I don't believe that God is done using this pain yet. Yes, I serve an amazing God. My heart sings. Only God can bring a heart that cried in fear and pain four months ago to bring it to sing in His Glory. My God is Amazing.

Ps. 118:23- "The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes."

Thank you for reading and taking this journey with me,

Til next time,

Amy <3

I Was Hungry; but Did You Feed Me?

2009-03-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

I should be working on my reflection questions for Irresistible Revolution. They are due tomorrow.

I shouldn't be on Facebook; but I am. I guess that is a good thing because in me, my heart breaks. I found my way on a page for this group: http://www.facebook.com/photo_search.php?page=8&oid=8481112831&aid=-1&auser=&view=all#/group.php?gid=8481112831&ref=mf

The pictures broke my heart. I sit here, tapping on a computer that isn't mine, but provided by my extremely nice school. I have more than the clothes on my back and an extremely nice place to live. Before I was here, I ate in the cafeteria where tons of food is wasted each day. I am a hypocrite. I desire to follow Christ and help the world in need of so much. yet I cling and seek to acquire "crap" (as my pastor here in CA puts it) while others in the world cling desperately for their lives because they don't have clothes on their back, they don't have food to horde, and they don't have anyone willing to let go of their "crap" to hold them.

Why are we so blind? Day after day a complacent and wealthy "Christan" nation is shown in the news and through the Internet, the pain and moans of the world crying out for a savior. We know this Savior and we say nothing. We see the disturbing images of this broken world and then walk away and forget. We let the children go hungry and die. We let enemies rage war against the innocent. And we wonder what is wrong with the world and how GOD has let this happen. How have WE let this happen?! Our complacency and silence isn't doing anything, its killing.

We claim to be like Christ and believe what he says but if we really do that, then why do we not feed him? why don't we clothe him or give him a place to live?
Matthew 25:45 (MSG):
'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.'
(Matthew 25:34-46)

How can we look in their eyes and say that the stuff we hold in our hands is more important than they are? Can't we let the stuff go and hold them and prove that we love?

Let us Prove Love.
Let us let go of our "crap".
Let us Hold them.
Let us Feed them.
Let us clothe them.
let us LOVE them.
Let us LOVE Jesus.

Thanks for reading!
Amy :)

Blue Eyeshadow

2009-03-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

I do this a lot, write a ton and then hit a dry spot.

[my journal is PERFECT example if this, now my blogs are too ;)]

So today I am wearing Blue eyeshadow. Mary Kay's Blue Metal to be specific. I am wearing a dress with jeans and skater shoes. pretty much breaking many "fashion" "rules" out there. I think its amazing. It's not how I look on the outside that matters, its on the inside. The New Testament and Christ's life seems to silently cheer for those who don't seem to follow the outer appearance rules.

What saddens me is that some people here at CBU have found a voice through the campus paper, The Banner. People who seem to hold more significance on how someone dresses, does their hair, or applies their makeup than how beautiful they are in Christ; on the inside. This breaks my heart and honestly, aggravates me to no end. I have been judged by my appearance often in my life. I don't say that I haven't judged based on appearances but it is a flaw that I despise.

There have been two instances of this fashion "advice. The last fashion article that the paper put out told people:

to spend time on their hair,

not to carry their purse AND backpack,

get a turtleneck,

not to wear too high of high heels,

not to wear Crocs unless you are 5,

not to wear sweats either (its apparently frumpy or makes people think you are lazy),

and to get your clothes altered.

To be honest, I think this is so sad. I honestly think that my time could be better spent reading my Bible (like Ps. 139 or other verses about how God sees beauty on the inside...) or spending time with people instead of OH, I don't know, curling, straightening, pining, or poofing my hair. I don't like turtlenecks, high heels and think Crocs are comfy. Sometimes I have "sweats" days and I don't care if my clothes don't fit PERFECTLY. My life isn't about how I should look.

Today I opened The Banner and there it was. Another full page of do's-and-don't's of fashion. This time it was about hair and makeup. The introduction was about how the person who wrote it said that her perfect world would go about life with a perfectly made up face because "women out there should make an effort to wear makeup (even if it's just a little mascara and blush), cover up blemishes (because nobody likes seeing those) and take the time to properly groom."

The first on the list of Do's and Don'ts of Makeup was:

"NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wear blue eyeshadow. I see too many wearing it, thinking it brings out their eyes or that it makes them stand out. Well, it does make you stand out, but not in a good way. Do you want to look like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show?"

I have on blue eyeshadow today. and TRUST ME! I do NOT look like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. Why must they do this? Try to say that you can't be you, if it means that you can't wear blue eyeshadow, because people think you are a freak. And why is it that suddenly what everyone (especially your CHRISTIAN peers) thinks is more important than what you think of yourself, and more importantly what GOD thinks of you. It breaks my heart. They go on to attack:

dramatic day looks,

"over-the-top" trendy looks (cus it shows you aren't comfortable in your own skin... WHAT?!),

lip liner (sorry Mary Kay, apparently you aren't cool anymore...),

frosty makeup

and dramatic eyeliner.

It's so sad...

Then comes the Hair Attacks or "Tips".

Bangs are "in", poofy hair, ouuttt!

Blended or one colored hair, good.

Hats=LAZINESS.

Straight hair is great, but its gotta have texture and "bounce".

And take advantage of curly hair and don't straighten it.

And when it comes to product, less is more.

"Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart."

It saddens me how we have a whole page on how to look on the outside but not to take care of our inside. What is this world coming to?

To tell you the truth, I wear makeup because I'm NOT comfortable in my own skin. Some days its because I am too tired but honestly, I think it takes more courage to walk out the door without mascara (blonde's, you know what I'm talkin about) or foundation.

Ladies, we woke up beautiful this morning. (My bangs, were having a party on my forehead, but I know that I woke up beautiful (in a non-egotistical way)) We were made beautiful. No, I'm not talking about the long shining hair, size 0, big lips, big chest, etc. that the world says is beautiful. You are beautiful because of the Savior who created you and lives in you. You were made beautiful. You woke up beautiful this morning. You are loved and are ravishing in your own skin, freaky bangs, blue eyeshadow and skater shoes with dresses and all.

"Dear Beautiful, Delightful Beloved,

Good Morning!

I hope you enjoy this lovely day that you have awakened to, I made it just for you.

Don't forget my passionate love for you and the wonderful plans I have for you.

Enjoy your day, no matter what it holds, I am holding you and loving you.

I am always here, singing and dancing over you.

Love like I love you.

With boundless and unfathomable Love,

Your Passionate, Loving Savior."

Thanks for reading my blogs :)

Have a Beautiful and Lovely day <3

Amy :)

I may be Torn, but I'm Never alone, and Neither are You...

2009-03-26T13:53:00.000-07:00

I am really homesick right now...

I miss my family and friends and just the familiarity of it all. Today school got closed for spring snow blizzards. If you are from CA, its that white fluffy stuff that some of you have never seen ;) They are expecting 6-12+ inches of snow... oh to at least SEE some snow right now. I've been deprived this past year I guess ;)

But to be honest, I don't know if going back home will cure me of homesickness. Things change, I change. I anticipate going home in may but at the same time, kind of dread having to move back totally back home. This past year has been wonderful, being on my own. Plus, i don't know how all of my stuff will fit in my room... ;) But most of all, I dread leaving this wonderful and beautiful place full of Christ followers in community. The friends I have made here are such an extreme blessing that leaving here and not seeing them and enjoying and experiencing life with them saddens me greatly; especially when there is the possibility of not returning to CBU next fall.

So this leaves me torn. Torn between two places I call home and I wonder if I will ever truly be content anywhere here on earth. But one thing that I am extremely grateful for beyond belief is the certainty that wherever I go, however torn I feel when it comes to being home and the people that I love, I know I never go alone. My Savior and Loving Lord walks with me every step of the way, showing me which way to go, showing me what it means to live like He lived, love like He loves, and suffer as He did, showing me what it means when he came to give us "life and life to the full."

He is my Comfort,

He is my Peace,

He is my Love.

He is my Hope,

He is my Purpose,

He is the Reason I live,

He is the Name I live and die to glorify.

He is my Life.

I pray He becomes my ALL.

I pray that I become non-existent in the presence of Christ in my life.

I pray that I am consumed by His love and all that He is and wants for me.

but I know I am never alone.

One of my favorite songs right now is by Mat Kearney called Call Me.

I want this to be a song to my friends to know that through everything, I will be here.

But as I listen to it again and realize how my humanity may cause me to not keep my promise to my friends, only Christ.

I now listen to the chorus anew:

"When the morning sun comes

You'll know I didn't run

'Cause when the rain came

It still never changed

Through the laughter and the tears

The pain and my fears

I'll stay, I'll wait right here"

I so long to be this kind of friend to those around me.

But I know that even if I can't, Christ can (though God doesn't get scared ;)).

while I try to be this friend to you,

let this resonate in you and realize that He never leaves your side.

Thanks for reading again :)

I have just felt the desire to write lately.

who knows... I may blog again tomorrow :)

I'm thinkin a few Song Blogs are due :)

Grateful for what God has done,

Amy <3

I think God has a Crush on me, Maybe <3

2009-03-25T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hello My Readers :)

I hope you are having a wonderful day :)

Its a wonderful, beautiful day here in Riverside, not a cloud in the sky and you could easily get away with shorts.

Spring is here. :)

I feel full of joy right now.

I have taken steps with my Savior to overcome my masks and the things that have caused this joy to diminish lately. Of course, thats not how it should be.

I should find "joy in suffering" but often, I find my humanness becoming a magnet for the downside of things.

I forget to be grateful for the little things that brighten my day:

sunshine,

a smile, chat, laughter or a hug from dear friends,

the laughter of my mother,

the "love" competitions with my brother,

phone conversations with my sister,

messages from my father,

favorite songs that lift me up and remind me I'm not alone,

learning more about how God made things to be,

the anticipation of being with God,

the excitement of what God has done, is doing, and will do,

the security of His hopes and love,

the desire to see the world,

a good make-up, outfit and hair day,

taking pictures,

writing,

reading,

walking,

laughing and smiling,

and all wrapped up in a new and refreshed day from my Loving and Pursuing Savior.

I can't wait to go home. I leave for home on May 2.

(at least that's the plan for right now :))

I can't wait to see my family and friends and the place I call home.

Can we say countdown? ;)

I love music :) I'm pretty sure i couldn't go a day without it :) As you've probably gathered with my Song blogs :) here are some of the songs that have been making me smile:

Mat Kearney - Call Me (unreleased-on Imeem.com), and Tomorrow (sad song and also unreleased)

Five for Fighting- The Riddle and Superman

Trading Yesterday- May I, Desert Lands, and She is the Sunlight

Angels and Airwaves- Little's Enough

The Fray- Ungodly Hour, Never Say Never, and Enough for Now. (kinda sad but beautiful music)

I am on the road to love; to know and understand what real love is, and learn to love how I can act that out. I hope and pray to represent the Ultimate Lover, Christ, in hopes of breaking down the walls of hatred and revenge that others have built against each other, because "I am BANKRUPT without LOVE..."

So maybe this isn't just joy, maybe this is what it feels like when I know love and let Christ love me. As I was taking a step today with my counselor to work through my masks, this quote came up: "Nothing you do can make God love you more or less." He loves me because of who I am to Him, his child that He created and died for. Regardless of what I desire or do, or say, or believe, He never stops loving me. THAT is the Love I want to know.

Again, thank you for reading, I am blessed to know that some people actually read my "ramblings" as confusing as they may be :) I cannot begin to express the thanks to those who have and are blessings in my life right now. I thank God for all of you. :) you make my heart smile :)

As I have read this over, you know, to make sure I don't start sounding like a loopy crazy maniac, I have realized, as my roommate puts it, God must have a crush on me. :) (haha) He's got one on you too :) hope you can realize it too :)

Love you all <3

Amy <3>

My Radical, Loving and possibly Communist Christ that I follow

2009-03-23T13:08:00.001-07:00

So its been quite some time :)

OOOOPPPPSSS :)

Alot has gone on in the past few weeks, spring break, stress week, and some INTERESTING things back home, not to mention in my own life.

Over spring break, mainly this past weekend, I had to read Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne for my Global Studies class. First off, Global Studies is thus far, my favorite class that i have ever taken. It challenges me to take a different look at Christianity, a look, not at how it is now, but how it was meant to be according to the bible and Christ. Often times when i leave that class, I am fired up to do something with my life for Christ.

This book that we were supposed to read, I will recommend it to anyone. Some call it communistic, others call it radical. Honestly, i think that it's how Christianity was meant to be. Shane Claiborne doesn't live a life of wealth. He makes his own clothes, he looks like a hippie. He doesn't seem to have things figured out or high on the list of people-to-take-serious list. But he sees and lives out the things that go in one ear and out the other often times as Christians. Rich Mullins once said after pointing out how we proclaim we MUST be born again but ignore that we must give away all that we have, "I guess that’s why God invented highlighters, so we can highlight the parts we like and ignore the rest." Shane must look for the white areas.

Shane is anti-war. He has seen the innocent faces of war. He sees the white words of "those who pick up their sword will die by it" and "love your enemies" and lives accordingly.

The point of loving everyone, the point of seeing humanity as beautiful creations loved by God, the point of giving God your all, are extremely stressed in this book, and i think they are points that aren't stressed very often. To tell you the truth, I have often gotten tired of Christianity. As I attempt to get to know my Savior and His word, I find how flawed the religion that is named after Him is and how UNLIKE Him it is. This breaks my heart. Christians are to be HATED, not accepted by the world. We are called to be the light, a fire, to the world, not a little candle that can be hidden in the midst of complacency and the things that this world can offer. We have remembered we should "become all things to all people" but in the midst of that, we have forgotten the one we were called to represent all along. I am not saying that Christianity is far gone or that it is all bad. But i am greatly disappointed in it. We often say one thing and do another, not letting Christ CONSUME us, till "US" is no longer existent within us and the world. Christianity isn't about comfort or conformity. Its about being hated and yet still loving. Its about people looking us into our eyes and our lives, and declaring NAMASTE, which means "I see the Holy One who lives in you." Its realizing that we were created to live and die to bring glory to this Radical Jesus we live for.

Was Jesus communistic? If by communistic you mean giving to the poor what the rich has had, then yes. For most of my life, i thought that communism was horrible. Why give to those who didn't work enough what others who had worked very hard for had? Then when Christ demands us to give away all we have and follow him, to give away what we work hard for to those of us who are less fortunate, (and lets face it. if you are American, you are in the top 2% of the wealthiest people in the world... someone is less fortunate) it would probably be in our best interest to give what we have. Shane puts it this way: one day there will be a huge banquet with God. He would love to have all of his children there, but he doesn't want to deal with the baggage. ;)

Often times we forget that in the times of Jesus, He was considered extremely radical. He broke the biggies of the Law that Daddy, Abba, set for His people a lonnnggg time before Him. He touched lepers, healed on the Sabbath, trashed the temple, told people to forget thier families, claimed to be God or His Son, He pretty much made the religious leaders out to be bad guys, told people not to bury their dead, talked about mustard, and told people that their definition of "unclean" was messed up, and yet he never sinned. Jesus was a troublemaker. That's what's amazing about Jesus though. He broke down the walls of religion. He didn't offer wealth or power to his disciples, though many thought he would.

He told us:

Leave it all and "follow me."

Leave all you have and enter into a relationship with me.

See how I will live and live accordingly.

See how I die for you and prove my boundless love and be willing to die the same.

See how I am hated and be willing to be hated just like me, but never forget to love.

Love as I have loved, love your enemies, love all those you come in contact with, even those you don't.

You may die, in fact, many of you will, for my namesake and its glory.

Give all you have and enter into a relationship with me and love.

I realize now that Christianity doesn't mean certainty & comfort; but a life full of uncertainty & danger, with a Savior in whom I can find safety & purpose. Christ never promised ease, or love in return from those we love; but we are called to love and shine and make our life worthy of teh call, the call to leave it all, to love, to enter into a relationship with Christ.

I have so much more i want to say, but i will end this one now. :) Thanks for reading :)

- Amy :) <3

"So, no matter what I say, what I believe, what I do, I am BANKRUPT without LOVE."

Desert Land Wanderers

2009-03-03T16:11:00.000-08:00

Desert Lands
Trading Yesterday

Standing alone with my heart in your hands

Longing to just breathe you in

You traded our love for a life of desert lands

Giving yourself away again

But I will give my life to win your heart

And I will tear apart my soul

I'll give away all I know to bring you home

For all that is true, for all of the way

With all of my life

You hold my heart, you have my love

You are my bride

Without a goodbye a passion of lies

Steals you away

The thirst of desire is drawing you in

But the memories of white, the garden

Of life is taken away

But I'm fighting to hold you again

So I will give my life to win your heart

And I will tear apart my soul

I'll give away all I know to bring you home

For all that is true, for all of the way

With all of my life

You hold my heart, you have my love

You are my bride

Nothing can shatter the promise I

Made to you

Our love will make you whole

I will be faithful, dying to be with you

I will not let you go

But I will give my life to win your heart

And I will tear apart my soul

I'll give away all I know to bring you home

For all that is true, for all of the way

With all of my life

You are my love, you are my church

You are my bride.

This song amazes me. Its echos in my soul and reminds me of Christ's pursuit of us, the ones who search for lies and Desert Lands when there are truths and lush Gardens for us.

"But I will give my life to win your heart..."

My friends, my loved ones, don't let these words go in one ear and out the other. let it resonate in you and let Christ sing this over you as He delights in you and you in Him. (Zeph. 3:17)

(here a link to the song... enjoy and let it resonate)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYgMCm7FNCw

I'm Not Who I Was...

2009-02-20T23:00:00.000-08:00

OK here it is... kind of my reflection of 2008 :) bear with me, its quite long...
As 2009 has begun, I have come to realize something…
2008 was the strangest, most unexpected, most life changing, most difficult and yet best year of my life.
I never expected many of the things that happened to happen. Sure, I expected to graduate, that is if I didn't die in the process of writing my senior thesis, and I figured I would be off to CBU in the fall. Yes those things happened, my thesis didn't kill me. :) but the things that did happen that I DIDN'T expect, changed me so much. From unexpected friendships, deeper friendships, to the realization of the necessity of my Savior and the loss of a friend or few, I know that this year has shaped me more than ever. As Brandon Heath says or sings actually, "I wish you could see me now/I wish I could show you how/ I'm not who I was." Great song by the way :) but it is so true. If I could sum up my year in one song or in one line, it could possibly be this one.
I have experienced pain, pain I didn't know it was possible; care, to the extent I didn't know that I could; and a thirst, a thirst I for my Savior. Whether it was losing friends or growing farther from some, it revealed deeper friendships and new friendships were formed that I don't know where I would be without. Most of those friends I don't know if they have realized and my words probably wouldn't express it well enough. But one day you will see. If not here on earth by me, then by Christ when you are brought before Him and he shows you all the lives that were changed because of you. Personally, I hope to be there for the latter, to see the realization in your eyes and the joy on Christ's face :) Till then, I am blessed to know you.
I have realized pain is one of the best things that shapes a person. It feels horrible but if we can only see that God has a purpose for it, life will never be the same, the pain will never be the same. The bible talks of turning our ashes, the pain in our lives to something Beautiful. I think that that is what happens in pain. Yes we may receive heavenly riches but we become that Something Beautiful if we allow Christ to use our pain. A favorite song of mine recently is "When The Time Comes" by The Classic Crime. In it there is a line that says, "When the time comes, to put my hands on the table, they are examined for what they are." take it as you may, but how I see this is one day, our hands will be examined; for the pain, the years, and our experiences and our reactions and actions to those things. We are to be held accountable. We are given everything that we experience for a reason. How did those things affect you? Are you going to let the pain and pressures you face in this world tear you down and crumble you? Or are you going to let the pain and pressure form you into a beautiful diamond in the rough or the purest gold in the refiner's fire? There is a reason for the pain.
I have realized a deeper part of me that I didn't know I was. I have found I am my biggest critic. I have found the desires of my heart. I have found that I the things that I desire are not what the world wants, though I do have my moments of earthly desires. I don't say that to sound self righteous or anything, I hate that. This is a product of pain, the realization that I am nothing without my Savior. A future without Him would be unfathomable.
I have realized that though I have a better idea of the desires of my heart, I don't know what I want to do with them, or more specifically what God wants to do with them. If I looked back on my life 3 years ago, I think it would be black and white in comparison. Sure, I am the same in how I act in some ways and some things that God has given me talent in surfaced some but in the past two years have been the pursuit of him and his plans and my reaction to myself and those around me.
I have realized the necessity of being real and the necessity of integrity in friendships and relationships. Honesty with people, though it can be hard, is one of the best things you can give. Why hide behind someone you aren't? you are made to be YOU, the way that God fearfully and wonderfully made you and is shaping you. why be someone else when you cannot help being you? You cannot live a double life the rest of your life and its very hard to live to be someone you aren't. why not be you? Others won't like it? That shouldn't matter (and it doesn't, its hard to get to that point where we don't care what they say) since God made YOU for HIM! This is about you and Him first, THEN everyone else, not the other way around. God takes you as you are but you must get real! Be the same person on the inside as you are on the out. Be the same person around everyone. Be real before your Savior, he knows the real you anyways :)
I have realized that perfection is humanly impossible to reach. Face it, we messed up. But my friends, we aren't called to be perfect, just serve a Perfect God. I have realized these things:
1. God is Perfect

2. God's Plan is perfect
3. God's Purpose for Me is Perfect

4. God's Timing is Perfect

5. And me? Well I am so not!
Its because of 5 that helps me appreciate 1 even more. And because I appreciate him and adore him, I can be grateful for 2-4.
I have realized how fragile life is. How though we can hide it, we are broken. This is why being real is so important. And if things are broken, we MUST let God work. Let HIM come in with healing. There is this phrase I have heard, " behind every girl with a broken heart is a guy with a glue gun." lets look at it a different way shall we? "behind ever person with a broken heart, is a God with a glue gun." but this isn't just any glue gun. This glue gun holds glue full of love and grace and mercy and compassion and forgiveness; Full of Christ's sacrificial love. Only he can put the pieces back together. They aren't always how they were before, he shapes us through our pain, through our brokenness. This is the beauty of pain.
We don't go through pain alone though. With Christ, he makes it worth it and so bearable. When we are weak, he is our strength. He is the only way that anything good can come from it. So those burdens you are bearing, that pain that tears at your soul, leaving a huge hole, he can heal it. Only he can take the pain and make good from it. He makes it so good that we stand back and cant help but say:

"The Lord has done this, it is marvelous in our eyes" (Ps. 118:23)
So friend, take heart. :) Don't lose Hope in Christ. You breathe in more than oxygen when you take a breath. You breathe in Purpose. With giving you another breath, he says "I'm not done with you yet."
I love you all and thank you for reading :)
Especially this one, so long and with all my ramblings :)
God bless and Make this day and Breath count. :)
Amy :)

Hello, My name is Amy and I am not Superwoman!

2009-02-18T13:11:00.000-08:00

Wow!

Computer-less+ Blogging Mode= Badddd and Unfortunate Combo.

ive got about 3 blog ideas swimming in my brain right now.

One is about the Superman complex.

One is about a song

One is... oh dang... that one swam to the deep side of my brain where i will Suddenly recollect... in quite some time...

haha yup.

Ohhh the joys of having Inspiration and no computer to spill them into.

Im going to cover this one about the Superman complex.

OHHHH OHHH! i remember the last one.

the Frailty of life... thats one i have wanted to write about but i don't know if thats THE one... we will have to see :)

Oh yeah.

Superman.

Superwoman.

Superperson.

Whathaveyou.

So I have this thing about helping people.

No matter what has happened or is going on,

most times, when my Friends or family are in need or in pain,

Just like Super(man) I want to drop what I am doing to go help.

and just like Superman, I think that only I can save them.

Many times, with this latter mindset, I often feel quite the opposite of Superman.

Especially when I myself can't do a thing about it.

Or even worse, when I know what Can help but I am out of my power to do so or the person i am helping doesn't seem to want the solution.

So often I forget that i wasn't made to be SUPERWOMAN (Duh Duh DUNNNN!)

but rather, Christ is the only SUPERMAN. in fact, He's beyond Superman.

He's SUPERGOD. :)

I forget that my power is the same as if i tried to use a AAA battery to run a Plane or Rocket or something.

Doesn't work right?

Right. Only His power can make it work.

"With God, all things are possible."

its not God AND YOU. its GOD. just GOD.

He is at work, showing his power, seeking His glory, all on his own.

In our own lives,

WE forget that we aren't Superperson.

we think, oh we will be JUST FINE!

My trials made me Stronger.

Not necessarily. Christ made you stronger because YOU COULDN'T do it.

Right now,

Im learning and reminding myself that

I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN

I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN.

CHRIST IS SUPERGOD.

he's the only one who can help us.

You cannot save yourself.

As i have looked back at the moments of difficulty in my life the past year or so,

the moments where i felt helpless and uncertain,

Somehow i am here today.

He is that Somehow.

When we realize we aren't Superperson,

We can realize how much of a SuperGod He is

and stand back and be AMAZED.

So stand back and be Amazed.

Let him be your Strength.

Let Him be your Rescue.

then you can fully understand when He says:

"I have spared you for this very purpose,

that I may show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

(Exodus 9:16)

Amazing, HUH?!

Let us stand in awe together, Today :)

More to come,

Thanks for reading :)

From one Non-Superperson to another,

God bless and enjoy your day of Purpose :)

Amy :)

My First 'R' Rated Movie.

2009-02-15T20:41:00.001-08:00

Hello!
Well here I sit in the campus Library, typing away...
My poor laptop has been with IT since Wednesday.
I miss it. I have a blog already written out and everything on it...
All my music, my writings, all on my laptop.
But I wanted you to know that i will post another blog soon :)
So on the Eve of Valentine's Day, or SAD for some,
I went with my good friends Faithie and Matt to see the movie Slumdog Millionaire.
I want it to be noted that i NEVER see rated R movies.
there is a reason for them being rated R and that typically gives me a reason not to see it :)
haha. I just don't want that kind of thing in my head.
I got to the theatre and what do you know, this movie was rated R.
This was going to be interesting.
for those of you who don't know what Slumdog Millionaire is about,
it is about an 18 year old orphan who grew up in the slums of India with little education and facing the world and its difficulties. He finds himself on India's version of America's "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" and answers them correctly, up to the second to last one, all based on his experiences that life has brought him. When the session ends for the day, right before the last question, he is taken in, accused of cheating. From then on, we see the young man grow up and witness the moments in his life that have alowed him to answer the questions, all the while, proving he did not cheat.
Although there is much language and some sexual content, i would recommend this movie to anyone. This movie puts life beyond our Christian, and even American bubble in perspective. it has become one of my favorites.
Does he win? well you will have to go see for yourself :)
But i would HIGHLY recommend this movie for anyone wanting to witness a taste of the world beyond their coastal doorstep :)
thanks for listening. :)
another post soon!!
God bless! LOVE YOUU!
Amy :)

Oh, The Meaning of "I Love You"

2009-02-14T16:26:00.000-08:00

<3 I wrote this a couple of days ago, and figured I would wait to post it until Valentines day. The day that is designated to the Romantic kind of Love and ends up reminding people that without this kind of love, they aren't loved at all. And though I haven't ever had a valentine, I know that I am loved. today, I want to tell you what love means to me. Real love.
One night, I was pondering what it meant to love someone. What do you mean when you tell someone "I love you"? What deep meaning does it hold? Why should that person hold onto those words that you utter? So commonly, "I love you" seems tossed around, losing a little something along the way. Like the passion behind it, the meaning behind it becomes a routine and before long they are only words in a moment. So I broke it down.
The word "love" has seemed to lose its meaning. Love has seemed to take on a romantic connotation. Love is so much more than that! The word "like" has taken on a life of its own as well. Love has been the level above like. If you don't full on Love a person, you say you like them, most commonly on a romantic standpoint. So when I am asked, "So, (there's always a so) do you like someone?" I want to answer back, "I like everyone! But in the narrow meaning you imply, no, I don't like someone in hopes to someday love them romantically." Love is God. Love is the moment when Christ gave his life. Love is the moment when God's pursuit of mankind after their fall began. Love is the God who never leaves. Love is more than just hearts on a page or three little words. Love is a mission, a purpose. Love cannot be described, though many times we have tried. It can be described just as much as God can fully be described and understood. But regardless of the unknown of love, I must love. As a Follower of Christ, I am called to love all just as Christ did, Just as God still does. I have found that love heals the wounds that time
Then I thought of the word "you". Who are you? are you just a person reading this in this one sole moment? A person who lacks feelings, experiences, a past, a future, a purpose? No, of course not. So when we say we love someone, we aren't talking to a person who is just a figure that brings us to somehow love them. They are a creation of God, just as we are. We are so much deeper than skin deep and so much more than the smile in a crowd or a laugh in a noisy room. As are they. When we say the word "you", with it comes the persons past, future, purpose and all that they are. Christ followers are called to love as Christ did; unconditional and relentlessly regardless of their past.
So I want you to know, I love you. not in a love, mushy, romantic way, but in a Jesus way. In a God way.
I'm not the only one either. I love you and so does Jesus, regardless. Nothing can keep you from the love of God.
Absolutely Nothing.
I am glad to have the opportunity to love you.
Till next time,I love you! <3

I Need You

2009-02-08T14:22:00.000-08:00

So here we go!
Another song Blog :)
This one has been a favorite
in my book for quite some time.
The piano in it makes me want
to learn piano for the sole purpose
of learning this song.
Im pretty sure I made my family
tired of this song cuz i listened
to it SOO much.
Little did i know that
it would hold so much meaning to me later on.
This song is called
"I Need You" by The Swift.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aR-IPwyNsmA
Check it out :)
NOOOWWW :)
if you don't have time now,
Read the lyrics:

My heart is restless in me
My wings are all worn out
I'm walking in the wilderness
And I cannot get out
I need You, Oh, I need You
Blessed Savior come
I need You, Oh, I need You
Fill the every longing in my soul

CHORUS
Oh, how I need You, Lord
I need Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The sin that I afford
I need to weep and pray
For all the thousand ways
That I have failed You just today

My bed is soaked with sadness
My sadness has no end
A downward spiral of despair
That I keep falling in
I need You, Oh, I need You
To You my soul shall fly
I need You, Oh, I need You
Yaweh, how I love You more than life

CHORUS

Your silence is like death to me
So won't You hear my desperate plea

Today my soul is soaring
Way over mountains high
Though I can see the valleys
They're all just passing by
It's not that I am stronger
Look at my feeble wings
But I've been lifted higher
Yaweh's lifted me in His own strength

Oh, how I love You, Lord
I love Your perfect Word
With tearful eyes to see
The God who always will endure
Now I will celebrate
For all the thousand ways
That You have shown me grace
And made my heart in grace to stay
You've made my heart in grace to stay
Lord, make my heart in grace to stay

I need You, Oh, I need You

I love this song for so many reasons.
here are a few:
I love how it shows that only HE can save us.
He is the strength that gets us through.
He and his grace bring us from the valley of our sorrow.

If you haven't listened to it yet,
please take the time :)
i love the piano :)

As always,
thanks for reading, and listening in this case :)
You are all a blessing :)
Amy :)

Product of when I find myself in Awe of God at 1:30 in the Morning...

2009-02-07T01:24:00.001-08:00

so I was reading this in Job today.
As I was reading this,
I thought it was interesting how
gold and jewels and silver and iron, you know,
valuable things, come from the darkest of places...
They are hard to find and man rarely wants to go searching for them
because of the risk and the darkness.
Same it is with us.
God changes us the most in the darkness,
in the difficulties in our lives.
We can find so many hidden promises of God
and we can see who He is making us into.
Also He shapes us and molds us,
and like the those valuable metals,
He breaks away the dirt and the rock that surround us.
The Light goes into the darkness to find us because
even though we are covered in dirt and filth,
He finds value in us and works very hard to bring us into the light :)

Job 28
1 "There is a mine for silver
and a place where gold is refined.

2 Iron is taken from the earth,
and copper is smelted from ore.

3 Man puts an end to the darkness;
he searches the farthest recesses
for ore in the blackest darkness.

4 Far from where people dwell he cuts a shaft,
in places forgotten by the foot of man;
far from men he dangles and sways.

5 The earth, from which food comes,
is transformed below as by fire;

6 sapphires [a] come from its rocks,
and its dust contains nuggets of gold.

7 No bird of prey knows that hidden path,
no falcon's eye has seen it.

8 Proud beasts do not set foot on it,
and no lion prowls there.

9 Man's hand assaults the flinty rock
and lays bare the roots of the mountains.

10 He tunnels through the rock;
his eyes see all its treasures.

11 He searches [b] the sources of the rivers
and brings hidden things to light."

Well, anyways, I just wanted to share that :)
Yay for late-night random posts :) haha
now time for bed :)
thanks for reading :)
Ps. 118:23
Amy :)

Masquerade

2009-01-21T19:08:00.000-08:00

Hello my wonderful people!

I apologize for taking so long!

I have pretty much forgo-ed

the new year posting :)

one similar to it may come later :)

I frankly haven't been in a mood

to blog lately

or had anything that wonderful

to write about.

I am still dealing with some difficult things

in my life that are fresh on my mind always.

But I felt like I should share this one with you.

Kind of continuing with what my

"When The Time Comes" post said,

I found a new song that can put where

I find myself in perfect words.

Even as I write this,

I am listening to it

Over and Over again.

It's called Masquerade,

Sung by Seventh Day Slumber.

(my friend Charisse lent me this CD

and I have fallen in love with this song,

Thanks Charisse :))

but please listen to it.

Its not a popular song but it is wonderful.

here are the Lyrics:

"I don't know what to think about me anymore,

Cause I am still the same as always.

Here I am again, that same old broken man.

I can't make it on my own.

I need You.

Chorus:

And I am not afraid of anything anymore.

And I am not ashamed, the masquerade has ended.

And I will stand for You even if I lose it all.

Cause nothing really matters,

You are all that matters, Lord.

As messed up as I am, still You bring me in.

You take me in Your arms and hold me.

The worthlessness I feel, You make it disappear.

You are always there, You're endless.

(Chorus)

I don't know what to think about me anymore.

Cause I am still the same as always."

http://apps.facebook.com/ilike/library?uid=509139273&view=custom_playlist&pid=1017793208

(I have this song in one of my playlists...

thats the only way i can link it to here for you to hear it :))

Lately, I have uncovered a sort of inner monster.

I have realized that I believed

the indescribable worth I can find

In Christ alone,

was something i only believed in my Mind,

and not my heart.

I have let the words of people

penetrate my heart

or even the lack there of,

(kind of a

"if you don't have anything nice to say,don't say anything"

thing)

and it has become a poison.

it has affected how I react to people

and even how I react to compliments.

I have let it tear me down.

At this point,

I am looking to my Loving Savior

to make the change.

To help me find this worth in my Heart

To fight these years of bitter poison in my heart

and let Him reign.

I believe we all wear masks at times.

This is my preverbial "end to the Masquerade"

I admit that I am messed up

I admit that I don't have it all together.

I admit that I don't know who I am.

I admit that I am broken.

I admit that I am fighting worthlessness.

But I am not alone.

I have my Savior who Delights in me.

Only He can win this horrendous battle within me.

I know this doesn't seem quite

Joyous or perky

but rather depressing,

but My Mask is off

and I want true Healing.

Will you take off your mask as well?

I have found that true fellowship and companionship

comes when the Masks are off.

When tears fall from our eyes.

when we want no one to see us.

when we are Ashamed.

When we are Real.

So to you,

I come Unmasked.

I would appreciate your prayers.

I have never been so grateful

for the people God has so

Wonderfully and Marvelously placed in my life.

I know it is by no mistake.

as Paul Says,

"I thank God in my rememberance of you."

I am so thankful for you.

In His Healing Love and Grace,

Amy :)

Dedicated to The Good Girls

2009-01-02T01:37:00.000-08:00

Hello my readers! :)

K, so this one is mainly for my girl readers out there.

Yes, boys, you may read cuz it is relevant to you too.

Listen up and enjoy.

I found this on onetruth.com.

it's wonderful!

(a tad long but so worth it :))

update soon :)

Dedicated to the Good Girls

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixated upon their looks and theirs actions because it must be something they are doing wrong. This is for the girls who don’t give up on the first date, who don’t want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they’ve heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren’t perfect and that the guys they’re interested in aren’t either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe…maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and tear up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honour those girls who know that guys are just as sacred as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it’s an experience that they don’t want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they’d rather not have experienced.

This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or just a comatose guy crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they’re too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one’s for the girls who you can take home to mom, but wont because it’s easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words or kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he’s just not ready, he’s just not over her, he’s just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe excuses because it’s easier to believe that it’s not that they don’t want you, it’s that they don’t want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you’ve returned home alone, for the nights when you’ve seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he’s with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn’t that he didn’t want a relationship: it was that he didn’t want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if only you comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he’d realize what it was that he already had.

This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the “I really like you, so let’s still be friends” comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you’ve received from your female friends, for the nights they’ve reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you’d have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we’d have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisfied with too little and who have learned to never expect anything more: for the girls who don’t think that they deserve more, because they’ve been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don’t understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don’t appreciate them and don’t want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share their lives, that girls play mind games, that girls keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call… and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the “stalker chic” you’d met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once more for this “nice girl” who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: nice girls are everywhere. But you’re not looking for a nice girl. You’re not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intramural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you’re looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don’t say you’re on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass them up on every step you take. Sometimes they go undercover; sometimes they go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt of the too tight miniskirt wont answer your catcalls, sometimes you’re looking at a nice girl in whore’s clothing – they might say they like the attention, they might blush and giggle and turn back to their friends, but they’re all thinking the same thing: “This isn’t me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be wearing a tee-shirt and flannel shorts, I’ll have slept alone and I’ll be making my hung-over best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me.” You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don’t want the nice girl… so don’t say you’re looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we’re willing to extend – but in return, they’re looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express.

Maybe nice guys finish last, but the nice girls are the ones waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congratulatory hug (and yes, if she’s a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won’t matter), hoping against hope that maybe you’ll realize that they’re the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

While the nice girls are waiting for that race to end, there fortunately IS enough chocolate, ice cream and your girl friends to help that wait seem shorter, and more like a journey to find “the one.”

Tell the Truth.

2008-12-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

"Why do we always say we're fine,

when it's obviously we're lying?

Why don't we ever tell the truth,

what do we got to lose?"

- When The Time Comes, The Classic Crime

Hello my WONDERFUL readers!

I want you to STOP reading this for a moment...

LISTEN to this song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KPAdIoNn5q4

A DEAR friend of mine,

BIANCA,

(she's prolly doing "HAPPY, EXCITING hands... :) )

Introduced me to this BAND

and I am more GRATEFUL that she did

because of THIS moment.

This song has been a product of GOD'S perfect timing.

This past week has been the HARDEST of my life.

One of my friends has been going through a very DIFFICULT time.

As a friend and a person who is very EMPATHETIC and

CARES very much about my friends,

this has been EXTREMELY hard on me.

if you have SEEN me in the past week,

you may have NOTICED I haven't been myself.

This is WHY.

I have come to BELIEVE that

if your INWARD emotions, etc.,

become visible OUTWARDLY,

there is a PROBLEM.

it wasn't until a DEAR friend here

POINTED this out to me

and we came to the CONCLUSION

that this was the CAUSE.

I am NOT blaming my friend.

I feel that blame is IRRELEVANT at this point and pointless.

Though HEALING will take much time for my friend,

and for a WHILE,

I thought it was the SAME for me,

SHARING in their pain and everything.

But the HEALING has begun.

The pain on my part is GONE.

I HURT for my friend

but not nearly as bad and CONSUMING

as it was BEFORE.

I am FREE.

I PRAY that they will be too.

Thank you very much for your PRAYERS.

Thank you for your GUIDANCE.

This whole EXPERIENCE has brought something to my attention.

Why cannot we be REAL?

A SWEET friend of mine here

told me that she had to get READY for something

after BREAKING down,

saying, "I am expected to be PERFECT."

What is this WORLD coming to?

Where we are EXPECTED to wear the MASK?

To HIDE our true selves?

What if we put ourselves OUT there,

REAL and VULNERABLE?

What if we ACCEPTED people,

FLAWED, IMPERFECT and yet BEAUTIFUL?

I think this would DRASTICALLY change the world.

People could know the TRUTH,

People could get the HELP they need,

People could LIVE!

I DREAM of this world.

I dream of UNCOVERING masks.

SHOWING people that who they are,

though the world may not ACCEPT them,

DON'T need man's approval

but RATHER have been

WRAPPED in the abundantly loving arms

of a FORGIVING SAVIOR.

This is what i DREAM of...

Will you JOIN me as I dream?

Will you help me make it a REALITY?

When you PASS by someone,

and THEY say:

"HI!"

and YOU respond with:

"Hi! How are YOU?"

and they SAY:

"GOOD! and you?"

YOU? you:

Tell them the HONEST truth!

I CHARGE you.

"What have we got to LOSE?"

Thank you for READING :)

This has been on my mind ALOT lately.

THought I would share it with the THREE people

who ACTUALLY read this :)

You all are a BLESSING to my life.

I LOVE you all and

I hope you know that you are LOVED.

ENJOY your PURPOSED Breaths

and Have a BEAUTIFULLY BLESSED day

DESPITE what it holds.

HIS,

Amy :)

Nothing without this All

2008-12-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

HELLO! :)

It's been QUITE some time, hasn't it?

what? like two weeks, HUH?

too too LONG

But I haven't seemed to HAVE the time...

FIRST off,

Thanksgiving was WONDERFUL :)

GREAT time with family and friends.

At the SAME time though,

I REALIZED something...

BIG.

I have places I CALL home and everything.

But when I am AT those places,

I find myself LONGING to be elsewhere.

I have found no CONTENTMENT in where I am in place.

It was quite the DISAPPOINTING realization.

Inside I am still SEARCHING for that one place where I am fully content.

Right now, only ONE place can come to mind.

C. S. Lewis put it quite FITTINGLY:

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

I have felt very CLOSE to this verse recently,

not necessarily in instance of LOCATION,

but rather an instance of LIFE.

I find myself FOREIGN.

But Christ said I would be as an ALIEN to this world...

I NOW know the feeling...

It was GREAT to see everyone back home,

it was familiar and yet different and COMFORTABLE :)

If ANYONE back home reads this,

First off, THANKS for reading this,

secondly, I am BLESSED to have all of you in my life:)

I missed EVERYONE back here at CBU too.

It was like I left a LIFE back here.

I LOVE these people here,

I feel like God has PLACED them in my life

and they are an EXTREME blessing to me

especially through this VERY difficult semester.

This past week has been the HARDEST week I would say.

From getting LESS than 4 hours of sleep between Sunday and Monday night,

A 6 hour-long trip back to CBU to be to class that SAME morning,

To two papers and friends who have been in PAIN.

The last one really is not a PROBLEM for me

or one that those people should BLAME themselves for.

We did a STRENGTHS test for one of our Freshman classes,

I have the strength of EMPATHY.

What that means is that I CARE and

can practically FEEL

the pain/joy that others FEEL.

Kind of STRANGE, I know.

Its not ANYONE'S fault,

thats just how I'm WIRED.

I haven't found a steady BALANCE yet,

but am WORKING on that.

I know I may have WORRIED some of you,

but this is PRACTICALLY what has been bothering me.

I am blessed with EVERYONE who comes in my life

and not one of those people are in my life by MISTAKE.

Thank you for your ENCOURAGEMENT :)

Please keep in PRAYER myself and those who are in pain.

On a LIGHTER note,

I SURVIVED this week :)

I go HOME in 14 days :)

I also have wonderful FRIENDS both back home and at CBU :)

I don't know where I would be WITHOUT any of you.

I am also grateful for my FAMILY :)

you guys ROCK my socks :)

(yes... I do wear socks...) ;)

I serve a God whose love is ABUNDANT.

I serve a God who is in CONTROL.

I serve a God who UNDERSTANDS.

I serve a God who has a REASON.

I am HIS.

So with ALL that being said,

ALL of that...

my GOODNESS...

so LONG...

SAAAAARRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY... (as "MYRA" says it :))

TREASURE each breath that you were given for a reason :)

LOVE you all and

THANK you so much for reading

Especially when I write freakin BOOKS like this :)

His,

Amy :)

SURPRISE!!!!!

2008-11-23T00:33:00.000-08:00

Hey Everyone!!!

Here I am

Sitting on my COUCH.

At HOME.

That's right

HOME!!!

I know some of you think

that I wasn't going to be home

for Thanksgiving,

But SUPRISE!!!!!

I arrived in Loveland/Fort Collins

today around 7pm!

I actually made my mom CRY!

My brother wouldn't let GO

My sister told EVERYONE.

It made making up stories all worth it :)

For those of you who knew,

Who knew when my mom was in CALIFORNIA

and didn't BREATHE a WORD,

THANK YOU!!!

and to everyone else back home who knew

and didn't either :)

you guys are blessings.

It is pretty cold here.

The only downfall is that...

well my luggage got "delayed"

I had a transfer

it didn't.

It should be here by morning.

Good thing I used to live here :)

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving

and for my fellow classmates,

hope the last two days of school are a breeze :)

Enjoy and treasure the time with your family :)

Its like a twilight zone...

(no not the book/movie

though I really want to go see the movie :))

doo doo doo do doo doo doo doo :)

Soo all of you here in FOCO/<3land,>

I hope to see you soon :)

Enjoy your blessed and purposed day :)

From the twilight zone,

His,

Amy :D

My Way From Here

2008-11-18T12:36:00.000-08:00

Its been QUITE some time.

Both since I WROTE on here,

(actually its only been a matter of DAYS)

and since one of my favorite artists released a NEW song!

MIKE HIRST is an amazing Indie musician and singer and artist!

It has been quite some TIME since he released a new song,

(not a bad thing, but I LOVE his tunes!)

which he offers for FREE,

as he does with ALL of his songs,

gaining NO PROFIT from his music or fans unless bought on iTunes.

He is AMAZING!

Has written so many BLESSINGS of songs!

He found ME on myspace

and i was like... "ummm nah..." BUT then i heard his music....

Guys CHECK him out!

he's GREAT! :)

He is so HUMBLE in what he does!

Ive TALKED to him a couple of times

and he has PROVEN to be very humble and personable.

all that to be SAID...

His new song, MY WAY FROM HERE,

GREAT!

check it OUT!

hirstmusic.com

he's ALSO on myspace and Facebook.

AWESOME :)

Thanks for putting up with me and my CRAZED fan RAVINGS.

thanks FAITHIE for the video!

it pretty much MADE my day!

Yay for CANCELLED classes and sleeping in :)

As ALWAYS, thanks for reading this :)

have a wonderful, Blessed, PURPOSED day!

Amy :)

Thoughts on Today

2008-11-13T18:37:00.000-08:00

"LIVE in the Present."

"Today is ALL you have."

"Today is a GIFT, that's why they call it the PRESENT."

ever HEARD of these before?

I SURE have.

I BELIEVE them too.

but another THING.

Do you ever wonder WHY you have today?

WHY have you been GIVEN another day?

I have thought about this before.

I am NOT perfect.

WHY would a PERFECT GOD give me,

an IMPERFECT SPECK,

another DAY when I would most likely take it for GRANTED?

I am NOT trying to make you depressed.

If I am, my BAD.

There's HOPE.

TODAY is a PROMISE.

TODAY is a REASSURANCE.

It's like God said,

"my BELOVED SPECK, I'm not THROUGH with you yet."

Then He gives you your next BREATH.

Amazing, isn't it?

Each Breath, Each Day, Each Moment,

FULL OF PURPOSE.

I have had some pretty HARD days.

I've had some pretty UNEVENTFUL days.

But...

I have NEVER had a WASTED day.

Even in the PAIN,

God bestowed His LOVE and PROMISE.

Even in the BOREDOM,

God was BUSY, working in MY LIFE.

Even though I don't always SEE it,

GOD IS MOVING IN MY LIFE.

No matter what the day HOLDS,

It is BLESSED NONETHELESS.

BLESSED by the hand of GOD.

BLESSED with His PROMISES.

BLESSED with His PURPOSE for YOU.

BLESSED because even in the pain,

NOTHING IS WASTED.

so my friend,

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

thank you for BLESSING MY LIFE and reading this.

His,

Amy :)

Who I am Becoming...

2008-11-12T17:47:00.001-08:00

Hey Everyone!

so about that "I'm not gonna do this everyday" thing...

well...

Okay, not gonna happen.

at least right NOW its not.

I've had alot on my mind lately.

I have realized that I am becoming a person I always hoped I WOULD BE but NEVER thought I actually would be.

Does that make SENSE?

A sweet person I know died a few months ago and that was kinda hard for me.

She was a person i LOOKED up to and a person i HOPED i would be like one day.

I am FAR from the person she is.

But something in me has CHANGED.

I don't know how to explain it.

In me is a LONGING for NOTHING this world can OFFER me.

it is something only my SAVIOR can offer.

I DON'T know what it is that HE is offering ME,

but I know its only something He can give me.

I FEEL so RESTLESS.

What I do isn't SATISFYING me.

I have no idea what to do but to LOOK up to HIM.

In a way, this is such a RELIEF for me.

I feel like that PERSON I hoped to be is closer.

But I don't want to get a BIG HEAD about it.

So ILLOGICAL.

It doesn't make SENSE.

but that's just what's been on my MIND alot lately.

Aside from that huge kind-of heaviness,

today was a good day. :)

It was the first 24@CBU event.

It was where it all began for me a year ago.

Crazy!

I got to see UCO preform today.

YOU GUYS ARE A-MAZING!

Way to BELT it!

(I need to buy a CD...)

After that, I was in a very strange mood.

I was insane.

Yep. only way to Explain it.

Well that was my day.

I have a HISTORY Quiz tomorrow.

There Goes my mood...

thanks for reading! :)

Have a great day!

You are a blessing!

His,

Amy :)

Ella!

2008-11-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

Hey My Dear Friends!

Hope this finds you well!

Well here it is... My Blog.

No I didn't think I would ever do this.

Ever.

But hey. Here I am.

Writing my first blog.

This blog isn't going to be a big deal to me.

I'm gonna post some things here and there.

Some thoughts.

But anyways.

Thanks for reading.

Know that you are loved by Him, no matter what!

Have a wonderful day!

Even if its a rough day, God gave it to you, proving you serve a purpose.

Make the most of it :)

His,

Amy :)