OK here it is... kind of my reflection of 2008 :) bear with me, its quite long...
As 2009 has begun, I have come to realize something…
2008 was the strangest, most unexpected, most life changing, most difficult and yet best year of my life.
I never expected many of the things that happened to happen. Sure, I expected to graduate, that is if I didn't die in the process of writing my senior thesis, and I figured I would be off to CBU in the fall. Yes those things happened, my thesis didn't kill me. :) but the things that did happen that I DIDN'T expect, changed me so much. From unexpected friendships, deeper friendships, to the realization of the necessity of my Savior and the loss of a friend or few, I know that this year has shaped me more than ever. As Brandon Heath says or sings actually, "I wish you could see me now/I wish I could show you how/ I'm not who I was." Great song by the way :) but it is so true. If I could sum up my year in one song or in one line, it could possibly be this one.
I have experienced pain, pain I didn't know it was possible; care, to the extent I didn't know that I could; and a thirst, a thirst I for my Savior. Whether it was losing friends or growing farther from some, it revealed deeper friendships and new friendships were formed that I don't know where I would be without. Most of those friends I don't know if they have realized and my words probably wouldn't express it well enough. But one day you will see. If not here on earth by me, then by Christ when you are brought before Him and he shows you all the lives that were changed because of you. Personally, I hope to be there for the latter, to see the realization in your eyes and the joy on Christ's face :) Till then, I am blessed to know you.
I have realized pain is one of the best things that shapes a person. It feels horrible but if we can only see that God has a purpose for it, life will never be the same, the pain will never be the same. The bible talks of turning our ashes, the pain in our lives to something Beautiful. I think that that is what happens in pain. Yes we may receive heavenly riches but we become that Something Beautiful if we allow Christ to use our pain. A favorite song of mine recently is "When The Time Comes" by The Classic Crime. In it there is a line that says, "When the time comes, to put my hands on the table, they are examined for what they are." take it as you may, but how I see this is one day, our hands will be examined; for the pain, the years, and our experiences and our reactions and actions to those things. We are to be held accountable. We are given everything that we experience for a reason. How did those things affect you? Are you going to let the pain and pressures you face in this world tear you down and crumble you? Or are you going to let the pain and pressure form you into a beautiful diamond in the rough or the purest gold in the refiner's fire? There is a reason for the pain.
I have realized a deeper part of me that I didn't know I was. I have found I am my biggest critic. I have found the desires of my heart. I have found that I the things that I desire are not what the world wants, though I do have my moments of earthly desires. I don't say that to sound self righteous or anything, I hate that. This is a product of pain, the realization that I am nothing without my Savior. A future without Him would be unfathomable.
I have realized that though I have a better idea of the desires of my heart, I don't know what I want to do with them, or more specifically what God wants to do with them. If I looked back on my life 3 years ago, I think it would be black and white in comparison. Sure, I am the same in how I act in some ways and some things that God has given me talent in surfaced some but in the past two years have been the pursuit of him and his plans and my reaction to myself and those around me.
I have realized the necessity of being real and the necessity of integrity in friendships and relationships. Honesty with people, though it can be hard, is one of the best things you can give. Why hide behind someone you aren't? you are made to be YOU, the way that God fearfully and wonderfully made you and is shaping you. why be someone else when you cannot help being you? You cannot live a double life the rest of your life and its very hard to live to be someone you aren't. why not be you? Others won't like it? That shouldn't matter (and it doesn't, its hard to get to that point where we don't care what they say) since God made YOU for HIM! This is about you and Him first, THEN everyone else, not the other way around. God takes you as you are but you must get real! Be the same person on the inside as you are on the out. Be the same person around everyone. Be real before your Savior, he knows the real you anyways :)
I have realized that perfection is humanly impossible to reach. Face it, we messed up. But my friends, we aren't called to be perfect, just serve a Perfect God. I have realized these things:
1. God is Perfect
As 2009 has begun, I have come to realize something…
2008 was the strangest, most unexpected, most life changing, most difficult and yet best year of my life.
I never expected many of the things that happened to happen. Sure, I expected to graduate, that is if I didn't die in the process of writing my senior thesis, and I figured I would be off to CBU in the fall. Yes those things happened, my thesis didn't kill me. :) but the things that did happen that I DIDN'T expect, changed me so much. From unexpected friendships, deeper friendships, to the realization of the necessity of my Savior and the loss of a friend or few, I know that this year has shaped me more than ever. As Brandon Heath says or sings actually, "I wish you could see me now/I wish I could show you how/ I'm not who I was." Great song by the way :) but it is so true. If I could sum up my year in one song or in one line, it could possibly be this one.
I have experienced pain, pain I didn't know it was possible; care, to the extent I didn't know that I could; and a thirst, a thirst I for my Savior. Whether it was losing friends or growing farther from some, it revealed deeper friendships and new friendships were formed that I don't know where I would be without. Most of those friends I don't know if they have realized and my words probably wouldn't express it well enough. But one day you will see. If not here on earth by me, then by Christ when you are brought before Him and he shows you all the lives that were changed because of you. Personally, I hope to be there for the latter, to see the realization in your eyes and the joy on Christ's face :) Till then, I am blessed to know you.
I have realized pain is one of the best things that shapes a person. It feels horrible but if we can only see that God has a purpose for it, life will never be the same, the pain will never be the same. The bible talks of turning our ashes, the pain in our lives to something Beautiful. I think that that is what happens in pain. Yes we may receive heavenly riches but we become that Something Beautiful if we allow Christ to use our pain. A favorite song of mine recently is "When The Time Comes" by The Classic Crime. In it there is a line that says, "When the time comes, to put my hands on the table, they are examined for what they are." take it as you may, but how I see this is one day, our hands will be examined; for the pain, the years, and our experiences and our reactions and actions to those things. We are to be held accountable. We are given everything that we experience for a reason. How did those things affect you? Are you going to let the pain and pressures you face in this world tear you down and crumble you? Or are you going to let the pain and pressure form you into a beautiful diamond in the rough or the purest gold in the refiner's fire? There is a reason for the pain.
I have realized a deeper part of me that I didn't know I was. I have found I am my biggest critic. I have found the desires of my heart. I have found that I the things that I desire are not what the world wants, though I do have my moments of earthly desires. I don't say that to sound self righteous or anything, I hate that. This is a product of pain, the realization that I am nothing without my Savior. A future without Him would be unfathomable.
I have realized that though I have a better idea of the desires of my heart, I don't know what I want to do with them, or more specifically what God wants to do with them. If I looked back on my life 3 years ago, I think it would be black and white in comparison. Sure, I am the same in how I act in some ways and some things that God has given me talent in surfaced some but in the past two years have been the pursuit of him and his plans and my reaction to myself and those around me.
I have realized the necessity of being real and the necessity of integrity in friendships and relationships. Honesty with people, though it can be hard, is one of the best things you can give. Why hide behind someone you aren't? you are made to be YOU, the way that God fearfully and wonderfully made you and is shaping you. why be someone else when you cannot help being you? You cannot live a double life the rest of your life and its very hard to live to be someone you aren't. why not be you? Others won't like it? That shouldn't matter (and it doesn't, its hard to get to that point where we don't care what they say) since God made YOU for HIM! This is about you and Him first, THEN everyone else, not the other way around. God takes you as you are but you must get real! Be the same person on the inside as you are on the out. Be the same person around everyone. Be real before your Savior, he knows the real you anyways :)
I have realized that perfection is humanly impossible to reach. Face it, we messed up. But my friends, we aren't called to be perfect, just serve a Perfect God. I have realized these things:
1. God is Perfect
2. God's Plan is perfect
3. God's Purpose for Me is Perfect
3. God's Purpose for Me is Perfect
4. God's Timing is Perfect
5. And me? Well I am so not!
Its because of 5 that helps me appreciate 1 even more. And because I appreciate him and adore him, I can be grateful for 2-4.
I have realized how fragile life is. How though we can hide it, we are broken. This is why being real is so important. And if things are broken, we MUST let God work. Let HIM come in with healing. There is this phrase I have heard, " behind every girl with a broken heart is a guy with a glue gun." lets look at it a different way shall we? "behind ever person with a broken heart, is a God with a glue gun." but this isn't just any glue gun. This glue gun holds glue full of love and grace and mercy and compassion and forgiveness; Full of Christ's sacrificial love. Only he can put the pieces back together. They aren't always how they were before, he shapes us through our pain, through our brokenness. This is the beauty of pain.
We don't go through pain alone though. With Christ, he makes it worth it and so bearable. When we are weak, he is our strength. He is the only way that anything good can come from it. So those burdens you are bearing, that pain that tears at your soul, leaving a huge hole, he can heal it. Only he can take the pain and make good from it. He makes it so good that we stand back and cant help but say:
Its because of 5 that helps me appreciate 1 even more. And because I appreciate him and adore him, I can be grateful for 2-4.
I have realized how fragile life is. How though we can hide it, we are broken. This is why being real is so important. And if things are broken, we MUST let God work. Let HIM come in with healing. There is this phrase I have heard, " behind every girl with a broken heart is a guy with a glue gun." lets look at it a different way shall we? "behind ever person with a broken heart, is a God with a glue gun." but this isn't just any glue gun. This glue gun holds glue full of love and grace and mercy and compassion and forgiveness; Full of Christ's sacrificial love. Only he can put the pieces back together. They aren't always how they were before, he shapes us through our pain, through our brokenness. This is the beauty of pain.
We don't go through pain alone though. With Christ, he makes it worth it and so bearable. When we are weak, he is our strength. He is the only way that anything good can come from it. So those burdens you are bearing, that pain that tears at your soul, leaving a huge hole, he can heal it. Only he can take the pain and make good from it. He makes it so good that we stand back and cant help but say:
"The Lord has done this, it is marvelous in our eyes" (Ps. 118:23)
So friend, take heart. :) Don't lose Hope in Christ. You breathe in more than oxygen when you take a breath. You breathe in Purpose. With giving you another breath, he says "I'm not done with you yet."
I love you all and thank you for reading :)
Especially this one, so long and with all my ramblings :)
God bless and Make this day and Breath count. :)
Amy :)
So friend, take heart. :) Don't lose Hope in Christ. You breathe in more than oxygen when you take a breath. You breathe in Purpose. With giving you another breath, he says "I'm not done with you yet."
I love you all and thank you for reading :)
Especially this one, so long and with all my ramblings :)
God bless and Make this day and Breath count. :)
Amy :)
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